In the Dark [entries|friends|calendar] Landon [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[11 Feb 2009|10:03pm] Did I mention CRUSHING SELF DOUBT CRUSH CRUSH CRUSH post comment

[01 Feb 2009|11:20am] Things that have made me angry lately: 1) People (esp. girls) who pucker their lips in EVERY SINGLE picture they post of facebook. What the fuck. 2) People who REFUSE to do anything other than answer questions when you first meet them. I mean, it isn't a conversation if I have to keep thinking up things to ask, that's an interview. 3) "Better than you" attitudes. - So, I've transferred to UCA and most people I've TRIED to talk to fit into either category two or three. - I don't know how to feel about anything anymore. - Crushing self doubt; but I'm trying to fight it. - I CANNOT talk to quiet girls. I have no idea why. - Maybe I have a really abrasive personality? Maybe I'm really ugly? - I have the most annoying laugh, I'm only realizing this now. - I touch my nose when I become self aware. - My poetry workshop teacher doesn't write comments on my poems. I'm afraid of being way worse than everyone else in the class. - I'm keeping poems for class and whatnot in a blog now. You can look at them if you want, they aren't very good. Here post comment

[12 Jan 2009|08:10pm] I know you are far away and having all kinds of fun in China but I'm here in Arkansas, and I'm lonely :( post comment

[08 Jan 2009|09:35pm] So, something in my head just clicked last night and all of a sudden I "get" My Bloody Valentine, and now I'm all "FUCKING LOVELESS" and no one cares. 4 comments|post comment

[05 Dec 2008|01:27am] Man, I think that the best thing about Source Tags and Codes is that Trail of Dead NEVER fucking did anything that good ever again. post comment

Deep Dark Secrets [06 Nov 2008|12:52am] Deep Dark Secrets: 1) When I was really young and someone would make me upset I would go into my bedroom and lay on the bed, cry, and wish that I would die before they got a chance to apologize; that would sure have showed them. 2) Sometimes I hope I get hurt or sick so people will have to come tell me how much they care about me 3) I hate people because they have it worse than me and I hate them because they have it better 4) It's hard not to fall in love with every girl I meet 5) And I hate them when they don't feel the same way 6) Most of the time I fake like I don't care. I care way too much. 7) I only tell people I think you're a bitch because I really just want to be friends, and you know what, I don't feel like you are trying in the slightest. So I call you a bitch behind your back and tell people that I hate you, it makes it a lot easier to deal with the rejection. 8) It's really sick the way that I want to protect my own emotions, so I hate and I avoid and I lie and go out of my way to mask that hurt with something a lot more evil. 9) In the 1 and 1/2 years that I've lived at my apartment I've only had two people come over for more than 10 minutes and actually hang out. I get so lonely at night. 10) It's really hard for me to not consider you a friend anymore, because we used to stay up late and talk and tell secrets. I knew you really well and we got along and everything, we even lived together for years. Even though sometimes you were annoying or whatever it makes me feel like we can be friends anymore, especially because you are so far away and on the other hand because everyone else I know hates you now. 11) I'm afraid that next semester when I live at my parents house and all my friends are far away that I'll end up wanting to kill myself. I've lived at my parents house the past 3 summers and each time I wanted to. It's become routine to hang out with friends until 1 or 2 AM even on school nights, I'm worried that I won't hang out with anyone at all. 12) I'm afraid to tell people what bothers me or what I think about because I'm afraid they'll either think I'm a terrible person or think that I'm just a whining about nothing, or worse; both. post comment

[03 Nov 2008|11:23am] These are true: - I only tell people that I think you are a bitch because I really just want to be friends. - I want to talk to you about what it was like to be a child. - I don't want you to die. - I'm really glad I'm leaving because I don't like you and I don't have to see you anymore. - I'm really glad I'm leaving, even though I like you, because I don't want to see you anymore. *not every you is you post comment

[23 Oct 2008|01:47am] Here's what I want to do this weekend. How about you come over. I'll make a pot of coffee, we'll sit around and talk about stuff for a while. I can tell you all about Buddhism in Tibet or the Daodejing. We can read a few Haikus, my favorites and yours. I put on some sad French film and turn off the subtitles, and we can just sort of feel the movie, and never know what they are saying. Then later we can stand outside with jackets on. I'll play the mix Cd I've been making for you, but I won't tell you that it's for you, and I won't burn it and give it to you, I'll just sort of gauge if you like it. I've got a much better one in mind anyway. When it gets about 11 we can go for a drive and turn off the heat in the car and roll down the windows until it gets real cool, and you can look through my CD's and pick the one that you might know some songs on. We can go out to the country maybe, if you aren't doing anything on Saturday morning, I know a great little place where we can drive and it'll be real quite and maybe a little scary. Then we can stop and maybe walk about a mile back and forth down the highway, and I'll let you borrow my jacket because you forgot to bring yours with you and didn't get cold until we were just a little too far away. We can talk about our favorite books and movies, and have a lengthy discussion about something completely silly, like if Wrath of Kahn was more watchable than Voyage Home, even if Wrath of Kahn was the overall better picture. I'll quote a bunch of Seinfeld episodes and tell you why George is my favorite. You can think what you like about that, but secretly you'll be impressed. By about 1 AM you'll get tired and I'll offer to drive us back to my place, but you'll insist that the stars are too nice outside to go back just yet. I'll ask you if you feel small when you look at them; I'll mention that most people probably do. When you ask me I'll just say it makes me remember that when people grow up they grow far away, and we'll be quiet for a while. On the drive back I'll mention that the leaves are dying, and you'll say sometimes you wish there were more songs about that. I'll say I like to pretend that there are, because Autumn sounding music is my favorite, even though winter tends to be brighter and sleepier and I'm usually feeling that way. You'll ask if Autumn makes me feel nostalgic. You'll have to drive back by yourself, and I say maybe we could get some lunch on Sunday, I'm not doing anything, and you'll say that would be nice, or maybe breakfast. I'll mention I haven't really eaten breakfast in forever, then say goodnight. I can walk back inside but I'll probably walk around the little trail that runs around my apartment and go down to the little playground. It looks a lot smaller up close, and wonder what your thinking. post comment

[20 Oct 2008|02:29am] Reasons Cole Glover is awesome: - Always listens to whatever I have to say about anything no matter what - Reasonable as hell - Likes pretty much anything good - Favorite Christmas movie is ALSO Home Alone (Pretty sure) - Is consistently more awesome that you post comment

[14 Oct 2008|03:05am] I want to make this video. It would be a sort of spiritual journey...or I could call it that. Really, I just want to drive around to all the really big pictures and statues of Jesus in Arkansas and in between talk about metaphysics and philosophy. post comment

I'm so scared all the time anymore. [11 Oct 2008|04:03am] I've got to be honest: I'm so lonely and scared, most of the day, most of the days, most of the time. 2 comments|post comment

[04 Oct 2008|05:01am] I have a crush on a girl. It's weird because it feels nice. Instead of feeling terrible. Did I mention that terrible one is usual? post comment

[02 Oct 2008|01:44am] Just now, I was trying to clear some space off of my laptop (by deleting about 1.5GB of Podcasts that I have/will never listen(ed) to), and I accidentally deleted my entire collection of Decemberists songs. However, through the Wonders of the Internet, I now have all my music back, plus a few new EPs, plus some Tarkio songs, plus all the Collin Melloy Sings Eps. Life is now good again! :) post comment

[29 Sep 2008|04:01pm] I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really 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really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really want a cigarette right now! 3 comments|post comment

[29 Sep 2008|03:33am] Autumn feels hopeless. Winter feels lonely. Spring feels restless. Summer feels boring. Another terrible year almost gone. post comment

This always happens [28 Sep 2008|03:54am] And I hate it. post comment

[15 Sep 2008|01:01am] So, I'm listening to Calexico's Carried to Dust; at the moment, about three tracks in and not 100% sure what to think. There's a whole lot of good stuff here, the music is vital and alive, driving the songs without carrying them and without dwindling. The vocals are spot on, though maybe sometimes a little bit more lost within the music than I'd care for. But while we're on that note: the music. Sonic soundscapes is a term thrown around far to much. It's simple without being repetitive, at times distorted but without coming off droney. Somehow dusty Nevada and grassy Georgia and dark downtown Memphis all in a row, but still distinctly conveying a uniform entity. I've heard that Sam Beam guests on this album, and I'm looking forward to it, when I get to it. If I had to say something more, I'd guess that this is the type of thing that will have to grow on me a bit more. I'll give this disk a couple of spins and see how attached I can become. post comment

[13 Sep 2008|03:03am] I have no idea why I don't listen to The Hold Steady more often. post comment

[11 Sep 2008|10:28pm] What's wrong with Pitchfork is that is SOMETIMES almost as much about the image as it is about the music. And as every good hipster knows, the bands you like are only worth the amount of name-dropping cred you can suck out of them. What's right with them is that they actually have the good sense to CRITICIZE things, whether anyone agrees or not. Not every album is good, or great, something most music critics would have a hard time admitting. post comment

[29 Aug 2008|02:26pm] OMG -----------------------------------------> GTFO post comment

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